Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

Tangled by Emma Chase

Tangled (Tangled #1) by Emma Chase

4.12  ·  Rating details ·  91,980 Ratings  ·  8,761 Reviews
Tangled by Emma Chase download or read online for free
Tangled by Emma Chase
Drew Evans is a winner. Handsome and arrogant, he makes multimillion dollar business deals and seduces New York’s most beautiful women with just a smile. He has loyal friends and an indulgent family. So why has he been shuttered in his apartment for seven days, miserable and depressed?

He’ll tell you he has the flu.

But we all know that’s not really true.

Katherine Brooks is brilliant, beautiful and ambitious. She refuses to let anything - or anyone - derail her path to success. When Kate is hired as the new associate at Drew’s father’s investment banking firm, every aspect of the dashing playboy’s life is thrown into a tailspin. The professional competition she brings is unnerving, his attraction to her is distracting, his failure to entice her into his bed is exasperating.

Then, just when Drew is on the cusp of having everything he wants, his overblown confidence threatens to ruin it all. Will he be able untangle his feelings of lust and tenderness, frustration and fulfillment? Will he rise to the most important challenge of his life?

Can Drew Evans win at love?

Tangled is not your mother’s romance novel. It is an outrageous, passionate, witty narrative about a man who knows a lot about women…just not as much as he thinks he knows. As he tells his story, Drew learns the one thing he never wanted in life, is the only thing he can’t live without.

“She talks like you. It’s not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who’s only holding Cinderella back.”

"That’s my girl.”

“For God's sake, don't let her watch Cinderella. What kind of example is that? A mindless twit who can't even remember where she left her damn shoe, so she has to wait for some douchebag in tights to bring it to her? Give me a frigging break!”





Reviews


Amazing. A must-read. Every single sentence from that guy's brain/mouth is priceless.
My mind is in awesome-coma, so I'm gonna try to show my feelings the best I can :))

Best book ever to be written completely from the hero's POV!
I don't remember the last time I had so much fun reading something!

Seriously people, don't read too many reviews, just go in blind and read the book!!!!!!! You'll love it more!!! And it is completely awesome!!!!
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Hilarious, romantic, all-out FUN!!

Think Wallbanger meets Beautiful Bastard :)

You smiling yet?

I was hooked from the first line and smiling wide by the end of the first page. If you are a fan of enemies-to-lovers stories, you will LOVE Tangled!

I swear half my book is highlighted. I laughed out loud, grinned till my cheeks ached and just generally loved it!

The story is about Drew. In real life, Drew is a clean-shaven, well-groomed, expensive suit wearing professional. But, at the start of the story, he’s a miserable un-showered, un-shaven heap locked in a messy apartment overflowing with old pizza boxes while claiming to have the flu.

Right.

What he really has is a bad case of the Break Up.

See Real Life Drew was once a player. Why settle for one when there were so many willing ones tripping over themselves to be with him?

“I’ve never seduced a woman before.
Shocking, I know.
Let me clarify. I’ve never had to seduce a woman before, not in the typical sense. Usually it just takes a look, a wink, a smile. A friendly greeting, maybe a drink or two. After that, the only verbal exchange involves short, one-word phrases like harder, more, lower… You get the point.”
But he’s fallen in love. Finally. Problem is, she’s getting married… to someone else. Hence the miserable, moping, un-shaved heap. This is his story.

It starts off going back in time to when they first met. Drew meets Kate at a club one night and, despite the flirting, she walks away. When Kate gets hired by his office, it puts him in a frustrating situation because office romances are on his no-no list.
     “Kate Brooks is officially scratched off my list of potentials. She is forbidden, untouchable, a no-way-never. Right next to my friends’ ex-girlfriends, the boss’ daughter, and my sister’s best friends.
    Well, that last category is a bit of a gray area.”


We are told the story by Drew. He can be a bit of an asshat but you really just can’t help falling for him – he’s that lovable. He both narrates the events and breaks the 4th wall by talking directly to us as the reader. It’s totally awesome! It’s like he’s right there telling you the story. There are times when his commentary on what was going on just had me in stitches. Here’s a random quote:
     “Once again, to the ladies out there — here’s a fact for you: Men pretty much have sex on the brain twenty-four-seven. The exact figure is like every 5.2 seconds or some shit like that.

    The point is, when you ask, “What do you want for dinner?” we’re thinking about screwing you on the kitchen counter. When you’re telling us about the sappy film you watched with your girlfriends last week, we’re thinking about the porno we saw on cable last night. When you show us the designer shoes you bought on sale, we’re thinking how nice they would look on our shoulders.

    I just thought you’d want to know. Don’t shoot the messenger.” 
And if you like strong heroines, you will LOVE Kate. She is smart, confident, sassy and absolutely determined not to become another notch on Drew’s bed post. She has plans, dreams, goals and no time for a playboy.
     “If we’re going to work together, Drew, I think we’re should get a few things straight. I’m not your sweetheart. My name is Kate — Katherine. Use it. And I’m not a kiss-ass. I don’t have to be. My work speaks for itself.”


Their banter and ‘sparring’ was just priceless! Tangled was essentially an enemies-to-lovers story about guy falling in love for the first time with a girl who goes toe-to-toe with him on everything. I loved watching them work through their issues. And when Drew finally decides to fight for Kate’s heart, the lengths to which he goes are just laugh-out-loud awesome!

    “It makes me want to kiss her and strangle her at the same time. I’ve never been into S&M, but I’m beginning to see its benefits.”


The book wasn’t always funny per say, but the whole mood was light hearted. The sex was hot, the characters were lovable, the writing was witty and it has a happy ending :)

If you are looking for a FUN read, this is it!!!!

4.5 stars
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Poor Drew. He looks like a zombie when he's got the flu. *pets* *evil grin*
Isn't it strange that every man who's got the flu is dying--right in front of your eyes. A sick man is always moaning a woman's ears off. Terrible.
Reminds me of my two little guys and my ex…all their antics…tsk-tsk...
My mom told me once that if men would bear kids, then the couples would never have more than one child. Men couldn't withstand the pain, they would cave in after the first delivery.

I apologize in advance for adding too many quotes and for getting a tiny bit long-winded. There's something you need to know, though. Drew is the perfect man-whore and Baba is the perfect quotes-whore. Ramps up the fun factor, it's all good. *cough*
     But I have rules—standards, you might say. One of them is no screwing around at the office. I don’t shit where I eat, I don’t fuck where I work. Never mind the sexual harassment issues it would bring up;  it’s just not good business. It’s unprofessional.
    
    And she works here. In my office, where I have sworn to never…ever…screw around. Her warm, soft hand slides perfectly into mine, and two thoughts enter my head simultaneously.
    The first is: God hates me.  The second is: I have been a naughty, naughty boy for most of my life, and this is my payback. And you know what they say about payback, right?
    Yep. She’s one hairy bitch.
    
    “Well, you could do the noble thing and bow out.” Yeah—like that’ll happen.
    “In your dreams.”
    I smirk. „Actually my dreams involve you bending over something…not bowing.”
    She makes a disgusted sound. “Could you be any more of a pig?”
    “I was kidding. Why do you have to be so fucking serious all the time? You should learn how to take a joke.”
    “I can take a joke,” she tells me, sounding insulted.
    “Yeah? When?”
    “When it’s not being delivered by a childish jackass who thinks he’s God’s gift to women.”
    “I am not childish.”
    God’s gift on the other hand?  My record speaks for itself.
    “Oh, bite me.”
    I wish.
    „Nice comeback, Kate. Very mature.“
    “You’re a jerk.“
    „You’re a…an Alexandra.”
    She pauses a second and looks at me blankly.
    “What the hell does that even mean?”
    Think about it. It will come to you.
Kate walks into her office and closes the door, leaving me standing on the outside. This is where men got the shitty end of the stick, people. When God gave Eve that extra rib? He should have given us something extra too. Like mental telepathy.
I once heard my mother tell my father that she shouldn’t have to explain why she was pissed.  That if he didn’t already know what he’d done wrong, then he wasn’t really sorry for it. What the fuck does that even mean? Newsflash, ladies:  We can’t read your thoughts. And frankly, I’m not entirely sure I’d want to. The female mind is a scary place to be.

Oh yeah. Just one more little detail you should know: I haven’t gotten laid in twelve days.
Twelve days.
Two hundred and eighty-eight sex-free hours. I can’t calculate the minutes—it’s too depressing. Remember all work and no play makes Drew a cranky boy? Well, at this point, Drew is practically a goddamned psychopath, okay?

Because you know how some people have gay-dar? Well, I have dump-dar. That means I can pick out a recently dumped female a mile away. They’re easy pickings. All you have to tell them is that their ex is an idiot for letting them go, and they’ll be begging you to nail them.'
 Just so you know, men don’t expect a woman to smell like Winter Pine or Niagara Falls or whatever the fuck those feminine products say. It’s a pussy—it’s supposed to smell like one. That’s the fucking turn on.

I read an article once that said having sex extends the human life span. At this rate, Kate and I are going to live forever. I’ve lost count of the number of times we’ve done it. It’s like a mosquito bite—the more you scratch, the more it itches.
I’m just glad I bought the extra-large box of condoms at Costco.
***********************************************************************************
 So after seeing this book completely TAKE OVER my newsfeed in what could only be described as “ Goodreads Tangled-Gate of 2013”…
 5+++ Fantastic and Hilarious Stars!!!
If you are like me and you adore the lovable assholes, the jerks, and the manwhores... then Drew Evans is just the guy for you!!! This book had me hooked from the very first page and I couldn’t get enough! Being inside Drew Evan’s head was amazing! One of the funniest and most enjoyable stories I have read in a really long time!
Meet Drew Evans. He is a successful business man, a handsome guy, he’s got great friends, a loving family, and as many women as he could ever want. Drew is hot and Drew knows it. Drew doesn’t do relationships. He never makes promises, he just does his thing.
Throughout this story, Drew gives us a ton of fun facts and info:


    Men are visual. We wouldn’t be fucking you if we didn’t want to look at you. You can write that down.

    I control my dick. My dick does not control me.

    I sleep naked, by the way. You should try it. If you haven’t slept naked, you haven’t lived. But thats beside the point.

    For those ladies out there who are listening, let me give you some free advice: If a guy who you just met at a club calls you baby, sweetheart, angel or any other generic endearment? Don’t make the mistake of thinking he’s so into you, he’s already thinking up pet names. It’s because he can’t or doesn’t care to remember your actual name.

    Deep down- I’m a momma’s boy. I’m man enough to admit it. And trust me, I’m not the only one. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?

    Here’s a fact for you – once I’m done, I’m done. I’m not the kind of guy who rides the same rollercoaster twice


You get the idea of what kind of guy he is, yeah? Well, Drew hasn’t been himself. He has ‘the flu’. The last week he hasn’t been well. And it all has to do with one woman.   
Kate works with Drew. She is new at the firm and she is ready to succeed. She is smart, beautiful, feisty and she intrigues Drew in every way. There is something different about Kate. While competing against each other for the same account, these two bicker and banter back and forth... its hilarious! There is also some major sexual tension going on, but there are complications. They get to know each other better and Drew decides he wants Kate. Drew screws up a ton, but he is a guy, what do you expect? He goes through some great lengths to make it better.
Some of the BEST lines:

    It makes me want to kiss her and strangle her at the same time. I’ve never been into S&M. But I’m beginning to see its benefits.

    Edward Cullen can take his stupid heroine and OD on it. Kate is my own personal brand of Viagra.

    Twelve days. Its a frigging record. I haven’t had a drought like this since the winter of ninety-nine.

    “God! Oh God!”

    “God’s not the one fucking you, baby.”
    “Drew... Drew... yes... Drew!”
    Much better.

    “You have no sense of self-preservation, do you?”
“No, not at the moment. I’m too focused on... fornication.”

    I blame Adam. Now theres a guy who had the world by the balls. Walking around naked, a hot chick to satisfy his every whim. I sure hope that apple was tasty, ‘cause he really fucked it up for the rest of us.

I can’t tell you how impressed I was with this debut novel! I don’t think I have ever read a book that has made me smile and laugh so much. I love the male pov and it was a treat to have the whole story written in the male’s pov! The whole time I was reading, I felt like Drew was talking to me. Drew is the best kind of character. He is funny, sarcastic, sexy and sweet! I couldn’t get enough of him! And I liked Kate too lol! The whole thing- It was great! Can I say there was nothing I didn’t like about this one! Loved everything it! Going on the favorites shelf for sure. Emma Chase- I will read ANYTHING you write lady! This was fantastic! Looking for a fun and awesome read... pick this one up!!!
Source: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18297707-tangled

Wallbanger by Alice Clayton

Wallbanger by Alice Clayton


4.1  ·  Rating details ·  147,417 Ratings  ·  12,004 Reviews
Download or read online for free Wallbanger by Alice Clayton
Wallbanger by Alice Clayton
The first night after Caroline moves into her fantastic new San Francisco apartment, she realizes she's gaining an intimate knowledge of her new neighbor's nocturnal adventures. Thanks to paper-thin walls and the guy's athletic prowess, she can hear not just his bed banging against the wall but the ecstatic response of what seems (as loud night after loud night goes by) like an endless parade of women. And since Caroline is currently on a self-imposed dating hiatus, and her neighbor is clearly lethally attractive to women, she finds her fantasies keep her awake even longer than the noise. So when the wallbanging threatens to literally bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts Simon Parker, her heard-but-never-seen neighbor. The tension between them is as thick as the walls are thin, and the results just as mixed. Suddenly, Caroline is finding she may have discovered a whole new definition of neighborly...

In a delicious mix of silly and steamy, Alice Clayton dishes out a hot and hilarious tale of exasperation at first sight...

“He was wooing me. And I was letting him woo. I wanted the woo. I deserved the woo. I needed the wow that would surely follow the woo, but for now, the woo? It was whoa.”

“Fucking Wallbanger,” I hissed, frozed on the spot.
His grin slid off as well as he played place-the-face for a moment. “Fucking Pink Nightie Girl.”

“You done with work?
Yep, at home waiting for you.
Now that's a nice visual...
Prepare yourself, I'm taking bread out of the oven.
Don't tease me woman...zucchini?
Cranberry orange. Mmmm...
No woman has ever done breakfast bread foreplay the way you do.
Ha! When you coming?
Can't. Drive. Straight.
Can we have one conversation when you're not twelve?
Sorry, I'll be there in 30
Perfect, that will give me time to frost my buns.
Pardon me?
Oh, didn't I tell you? I also made cinnamon rolls.
Be there in 25.”





Reviews


5 HUGE STARS!!!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS BOOK!!
EVERYONE HAS TO READ IT!!!

This book was brilliant!!
Pure gold!
I’m in love with Simon.
Completely, utterly in love.
My cheeks ache from laughing.
My heart is happy.
Did I mention I love this book?

This book was pure, decadent, lighthearted, un-put-downable, FUN!! A well-written, perfect blend of all things happy, romantic, sweet, funny (hilarious, really), melty, swoony, witty, steamy, with just enough tender, deeper moments to make my heart squeeze. I fell in love with everything – the characters, the writing, the story… and Clive. The most awesome cat ever to grace the pages of a novel.

It was just one winning line after another. I swear to freaking God, more than half my book is highlighted. No joke!!

The banter! The chemistry! The flirting! The texts!!!! *melt* The nooking! The wooing! … this book is just loaded with win!

I read most of it with a big stupid grin plastered on my face and pretty much just alternated between squeeing, squealing, giggling, snorting, crying, shaking and cackling with laughter.

What’s this book about though? Now, usually, I write my own descriptions, but I love the official blurb too much so here it is:

Caroline Reynolds has a fantastic new apartment in San Francisco, a KitchenAid mixer, and no O (and we’re not talking Oprah here, folks). She has a flourishing design career, an office overlooking the bay, a killer zucchini bread recipe, and no O. She has Clive (the best cat ever), great friends, a great rack, and no O.

Adding insult to O-less, since her move, she has an oversexed neighbor with the loudest late-night wallbanging she’s ever heard. Each moan, spank, and–was that a meow?–punctuates the fact that not only is she losing sleep, she still has, yep, you guessed it, no O.

Enter Simon Parker. (No, really, Simon, please enter.) When the wallbanging threatens to literally bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts her heard-but-never-seen neighbor. Their late-night hallway encounter has, well, mixed results. Ahem. With walls this thin, the tension’s gonna be thick…

Simon “Wallbanger” Parker. Cocky, charming, sexy as all hell, confident… and once we got to know him better, sweep-you-off-your-feet swoony. I adored him, its that simple. He has made me list of top book boyfriends ever! I loved that his character had depth. At first you kind of wondered if he was just a bit of a manwhore but I loved that there was a whole background to him. And its hard not to love a man who is obsessed with baked goods.

“You want me to cut you a piece — okay, or you could just do that.” I frowned as he took a giant bite out of the end.
“Thif if mine, righ?” he asked, spraying crumbs.
“How do you function in normal society?” I asked shaking my head as he took another monster bite.

I loved Caroline too. She was sweet yet feisty and refreshingly direct about everything. Brain, Heart, Nerves, Backbone, and of course, O were brilliant additions to the story!

I loved how casually Simon and Caroline’s relationship developed. They were seriously one of the sweetest couples ever but there was no falling into bed on first sight for them.

“Now, you listen, mister.” I said, trying for a more adult tone. “I’m not going to spend every night listening to you try to crash your girl’s head through my wall with the force of your dick alone! No way, buddy.”

They went from cockblocker/wallbanger to truce status to friends to lovers. The whole process just warmed my heart. And throw in a healthy dollop of sexual tension and innuendos out the wazoo and you pretty much have a recipe for awesome.

“I like that we’re taking things slow. You give good woo,” I whispered.

I never once felt any urges to throttle a character, or yell at them.. no eye rolling. Nothing. I was just one purely satisfied reader … Oh, and “Simon goes commando. God bless America.”

Flaily Pink Nightie Girl and Mr Wallbanger Snorey Pants will always have a special place in my heart <3

Guys, READ THIS BOOK!!!!!
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BANG BANG BANG!


Oh God............


BANG BANG BANG!!


Oh God................


BANG BANG BANG!!!


OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOOOOOODDDD!!!!!!!

THE WALLS ARE SHAKING, PICTURES ARE FALLING DOWN!!!! RUN FOR COVER PEOPLE!!! GRAB YOUR FAVOURITE BOOK, SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR DRESS AND HIDE UNDER THE TABLE!! I THINK WE'RE HAVING AN EARTHQUAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


BUT Wait A Sec...........Not an earthquake...........nope, definitely not an earthquake.......One, only one wall is shaking.....LIKE SOMEONE'S BANGING ON IT!!!!

Let's take a closer look, Shall we?

“OH, GOD.”

Thump.

“Oh, God.”

Thump thump.

What the…

“Oh, God, that’s so good!”

“Mmmm…Yeah, baby. Right there. Just like that…Don’t stop, don’t stop!”

OH! OH! OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Mystery solved, readers!


Meet NOT The Wallbanger.....
BUT THE WALLBANGER!!!!!!!!!!!
 Name : Simon Wallbanger Parker

Age : 28 years

Occupation : Freelance photographer

Interests : Pleasing the ladies by doing it in a rattling-the headboard-shaking-the-wall-making-a-woman-meow-and-giggle style with maybe some spanking thrown in!!! He can definitely bang it home, ladies!!!
Meet 'O'. This Orgasm (O) is the....

Property of: Caroline Pink Nightie Girl Reynolds, a 26 year old interior designer.

Missing since: Last Six Months

Culprit: Cory Weinstein. The machine-gun fucker who’d hijacked the O

Description of the event by the victim: This was the worst kind of sex. This was machine-gun style: fast, fast, fast. This was thirty seconds on the tits, sixty seconds on something that was about an inch above where he should have been, and then in. And out. And in. And out. And in. And out.

But at least it was over quick, right? Hell, no. This horribleness went on for months. Well, no. But for almost thirty minutes. Of in. And out. And in. And out. My poor hoohah felt like it had been sandblasted.
Remedies Tried: Jason Bourne, Matt Damon, George Clooney.....

ALL OF THEM HAVE FAILED!!!!!!

WHAT TO DO NOW??????????????

Let's look for someone closer to home........
Simon Wallbanger meet Caroline. Caroline meet Simon Wallbanger!!!!


Problem solved!!!! YAYYY!!


But, NO WAIT, WHAT'S THIS?


“Why are you such a manwhoring asshole?” I asked.

“Why are you such a cockblocking priss?” he asked
NOOOOOOOOOO...........NOW, HOW WILL WE EVER FIND....
Oh no.........I'm not crying.......Alright, yes I am......but how can I not when I'm laughing so hard!!!

[image error]


So, readers....why don't you continue the search while I LA-U-GH MY HE-AD O-F-F!!!!!
WARNING: 1)Beware of one-night stands that could make your 'O' go on a vacation for a long time or even forever. :0

2)Be aware of the walls you build
and what could be on the other side

3) Clive, the cat too is trying to find his 'one and only' Purina ever since he heard the 'meow'ing through the walls and fell in love or maybe lust(so what if he's neutered? He's allowed to have feelings!!)!!......He is now following in the footsteps of the Wallbanger!!!! So, beware, he's one hissy and horny ball of lust and fur!!

Clive: I allowed myself to dream. Of her. The one that got away...........
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Chapter 1
So, what do you think about me?
Well you weren't short at all :D
Well yeah I'm pretty long... and thick...
Just about average I'd say
Pfttt you are average missy! Didn't you like all the humor?
Yeah it was good I guess, the scene with Dr. Ross was the best :D
Ohhhh yes, makes me think of dirty things, that man. I wish I had my O back :(
Yes, I wish it too! Your O brought more frustration to me than it did to you!
Whatcha sayin'? You didn't like all the sexual frustration? How is that possible?
How is that possible indeed -.-
And what about my story? What did you think of that?
Story? What story? Book, all you talked about was the lack of orgasms, flirtation, sexual frustration, sex... I may have forgotten a sexual thing or two that were mentioned :P
Mmmmmmm sexxxxxx. Me wants the big O :(
Hello book! Focus! I am talking to you!
Talking? Talking about sex? Mmmmmm sexxxxxx. Me wants the big O :(
I am facepalming here! Can you try to have a nice conversation without thinking of sex?
Me? Thinking about sex? Mmmmmmm sexxxxxx. Me wants the big O :(
Sigh. I give up.
Did you just write "sigh"???
Well that's a hell of a time to start noticing!! :P
Chapter 2
Blacky, Simon, Caroline, The Cat, The Book and The Friends are on a road trip, traveling in the car together:


Blacky
OMG I have to endure several hours in the car with Mr. Horny and Ms. Hornier and the CatfromHell. Ughhh. The friends are interesting though, but even they think of nothing but sex. I see Simon is looking at Caroline in a smouldering way. His eyes don't stop twinkling for goodness sake!

Simon
Why am I thinking about Caroline all the time? Hm must mean I want to wallbang her too. Damn that will be tough cause she can't stop arguing with me. Why does she hate me so much? Oh yeah, I bang girls like crazy. Mmmmmmmm. Banging... Walls... Why doesn't this car have walls?????

Caroline
Simon keeps touching the inside of the car, I don't think he likes it. He does like f*cking girls through the wall though. I want to be f*cked through a wall :( Wait, no! I don't! I hate Simon! But he's so pretty, my lower Caroline says... I don't care! He's a jerk! But I keep flirting with him all the time, my lower Caroline says... So what! I can flirt and do whatever I like 'cause I don't have my O anymore. Oh O how I miss you :(((

The CatfromHell
They don't have a clue *evil laugh*. I will make their lives misarable *evil laugh*. The girl loves me, but I don't plan to let her have her O back with the arrogant man *evil laugh*. I will spoil all their plans eventually *evil laugh*. My throat hurts from all the evil laughing *coughs*

Simon
Did that cat just evil laughed at me???? I must be hearing things. Oh well back to thinking about sex. And Caroline. Damn, I'm hard. Will she stop looking at me with those hungry eyes? Damn, I'm even harder now. Must. Squirm. In. My. Seat!

Caroline
Simon keeps squirming all the time. What is his problem??? He's got to have a big hard-on just for me. Too bad I can't give it to him cause he's a jerk and I don't have my O back. But I feel some suspicious fluttering, my lower Caroline says... YAY! I'm gonna jump him as soon as I can! Without actually having sex with him! Ahhhh I just love that sexual frustration...

The Friends
They are all so stupid ahahahaha we have found our someones to have sex with ahahahahaha we don't suffer any sexual frustration ahahahahaha

Blacky
OMG these people are driving me crazy! Simon is trying to hide his hard-on, Caroline is talking to her belly, the cat is making some funny evil noises, and the friends are probably high or something, they can't stop laughing. Jeez :((( Is anything going to happen here that doesn't have anything to do with sex or having sex or the lack of sex???
Guess not :(

The Book
I am so happy :D Everyone is horny and thinking about sex! So awesome! I am never going to let anyone do it ever again! Well, maybe The Friends will. But man oh man, there's nothing better than blue balls and frustration! Just love it! Oh I have to think of a few scenes (well make it dozen at least), where they'll want to have sex but couldn't do it for some reason! Oh yes! I think I will form an alliance with The CatfromHell. Awesome!
Chapter 3
Oh! Mmmmm.. Yes, more to the left! Harder! Yesssssss... Oh yes, that's soooo gooood! Harder, yes, there! Push it! Ohhhhhhhhh I just love going to the masseur! You'd THINK I was doing something naughty. But no.
Lots of these in the book too :DDD
Anyway let me tell you what I thought about it in general.
No plot whatsoever.
Too much sexual frustration.
Humor was OK, but would be better if there was just a bit less of it, you know, sometimes too much of a good thing can make you sick :D
I don't really mind the fact that they had to wait practically for the (view spoiler) Read lots of books like that, didn't mind it. In this case, all the sex talk and sex thought, and lack of orgasm talk, and lack of orgasm thought, and flirting all the freaking time, and getting it on a few times, just to stop at the good part... No. A bit f*cking no for me. Every damn chapter was about the things I said above, nothing else. It may be good to read this in small doses, but a whole book? No. Thanks. Sorry.
Chapter 4
What I liked:

My favorite scene from the whole book is when they watched the Exorcist, and they slept together in her bed. Very very lovely, and I think the only scene that was nice without some sexual overtones. Maybe there were a few, but nothing that stood out. Perfect scene in my opinion :)
When they went to Spain :) Even though when I read that they'll go through all the bases before the deed... I lost a few million neurons from that, my brain kinda had a stroke or something cause I wanted to burn the damn book if only I had the paperback. Lucky for me I have an e-book reader so I felt too sorry to smash it to bits. But I was tempted!!!!
Anyway, the ending of Spain was great, very realistic and I'm glad the author did it that way!
The style of writing was VERY good, can't say anything about that, I just wish the humor and sex-everything was a little toned down, and if there was a story thrown in. But oh well, can't have everything, right??
Chapter 5
Text messages between The Book and Blacky

So you didn't like me very much then? :((
I did like you, you poor sex-obsessed thing! But I guess I wanted a bit more from you...
Blacky, you just have lousy taste in books, admit it! I am awesome!
Hey, won't argue with you there :D You might be awesome, but to someone else.
And I sure am! Look at all the other great reviews I have :P
I am! I did! And I hope my review won't turn anyone from the book, it isn't my fault my brain couldn't cope with it :((
Nice of you to admit your deranged brain Blacky! I knew there must have been something seriously wrong with you if you didn't like me! Phew! Glad to know now eheheheheh
Hey just don't spread it around OK?!
No problemo, my Blacky :D I will just continue my sexless scheming for other people! Oh yeah!
***********************************************************************************
I was an addict craving her dose.I was lost in a dull world full of mundane stuff for so long I almost became a mundane myself.After a month of abstinence from reading and severe book deprivation,after long days and bookless nights,the time came to return where I belong.
And I had to celebrate!I wanted something light.I wanted saucy and funny and Wallbanger promised to deliver them all.And oh boy,it did!But it also delivered sweet,and fluffy,and dreamy and a new book boyfriend that reduced me into a puddle of goo.It's official people,I'm in love!Again!
     “Fucking Wallbanger,” I hissed, frozed on the spot.
    His grin slid off as well as he played place-the-face for a moment. “Fucking Pink Nightie Girl.”


Caroline has a wonderful job and wonderful friends and a wonderful new apartment and a wonderful cat and her life would be-guess what-wonderful if it wasn't for two things:her missing O and her neighbor's loud midnight activities.

    “The girl next door was meowing. What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen?”


What sucks though is that the aforementioned annoying but gifted neighbor is super hot.Sahara hot.And that Caroline is forced to play nice with Simon despite wanting to bang his head on the banging wall but at the same time she wants him to bang her against the god-banging wall.See the problem here?

    “You gonna bang my walls, Simon?” I laughed.
    “You have no idea,” he promised.”


The result?Tension,innuendos,sexual frustration,banters,tension,laugh-out-loud moments,tension and did I mention tension?
Oh,and a really horny cat!
Alice Clayton's writing is freaking hilarious,I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard!I had permanently a huge grin plastered on my face and I hosted a butterfly party in my stomach and that wasn't the work of Caroline and Simon's off-the-charts chemistry alone!The way their feelings developed and unfolded was really heartwarming and sweet,a slowly burning process that made Wallbanger a really romantic book!They cooked together,they watched movies together,they shared their secrets and hopes and then they gave in to their animal attraction.I must admit I never expected a guy named Simon to be this sexy!Oh how I wish I had a wallbanging neighbor but alas!,the closest house is my late grandfather's house.If I hear those walls banging,it will be the beginning of a Supernatural episode and not a great romance.Unless Sam Winchester pops up and rescues me.That would be nice.
My point is,if you want to laugh and swoon and escape stupid reality,this is the book for you!Plus,you're going to meet a very interesting cat...
Source: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15858248-wallbanger